Marglish

On the Queen's second visit to my humble store, I showed her the same products that I showed her before. But the same as last time, none of them were satisfactory. What REALLY upset me was when, after showing her what we carried (AGAIN) and explaining the benefits of each (AGAIN), she turned to me and said in a know-it-all, matter-of-fact tone of voice, "You don't know very much about [the specialty area of our store], do you?"

I nearly bit off my tongue trying to remain polite and held my arms stiffly at my sides as my hands made fists. It was all I could do to keep from strangling her/punching her onto the next planet on her journey. "Actually I know A LOT about [our specialty area]. But THIS. IS. ALL. WE. HAVE. I can't show you anything else because WE. DON'T. HAVE. ANYTHING. ELSE. THIS. IS. IT." I spoke very slowly, hoping she would understand. No, of course not. English isn't her first language, as Mars is her home planet. I once again explained the benefits of each product and then asked if she needed anything else. After at least 30 seconds she replied in an unsatisfied tone of voice, "No, I guess not."

I walked off and started helping a customer in the next aisle. This customer was quite reasonable, knew the proper usage of words like "please" and "thank you," and could explain herself in a reasonable manner and understand my instructions, as well. Suddenly weirdo started jabbering about her problem again (English or Martian, I'm not quite sure). After a minute of no response from anyone, she looked up and all around, as if she had forgotten that I had left.

I moved onto another customer and the weirdo actually came up and INTERRUPTED US to ask yet another stupid question. "I'll be with you when I'm finished with these ladies." Of course, since she's the Queen of the Universe and All Time, she wasn't at all happy about having to wait, so she found another employee to jabber to in Entian/Marglish. Like the first time, she left without buying anything, despite having had an employee by her side for 30+ minutes on each visit.

Before she left, however, she decided to leave us a very special gift.

Concluded tomorrow.................