Job Application (part 1)

Now that the characters are introduced, this is the application one has to fill out to work in my store. For the first part, the easy stuff. Name, contact info, yes or no questions.

(Weird how there are so many laws against discrimination, yet they still haven't figured out how to keep your name from giving away your gender and the date you finished school just shouts your age.)

If you have a criminal history, don't bother applying. We're not hiring you.

If you're a woman, you'd better have some muscles because we don't need any more wimps. (Wimpy guys need not apply, either.)

If you're under 18, your chances are slim. Complying with child labor laws is too annoying.

If you're over 30, do you really want to work here? In rare instances it's okay, but for the most part younger employees work out best in our fast-paced workplace. Older people are too uptight and don't like having a manager younger than them. They're always questioning procedures and think they know everything about retail, our products, and how the store should be run just because they're older/have kids/used to be a manager/whatever. Besides, you couldn't survive on the starting pay.

If you're handicapped, old, have back problems, are pregnant, can't walk long distances, are obese, etc., we can't hire you. This is not discrimination, but facts. It is "an essential job function" to be healthy enough to carry heavy things since many of our customers can't. (I often wonder what they do when they get home. I'm not there to carry it for them then!) You also must be able to climb a ladder, reach, stoop, sit, stand, and a few other things I can't remember right now.