It's all in the phrasing

One of the things that makes me a good manager is that I'm not easily flustered and I have a knack for keeping customers calm. If it's a difficult return or I otherwise can't tell a customer what they want to hear, despite them being upset, I haven't had any really touchy situations.

Showing empathy with statements like "I understand" seems to help a lot. "I understand why you're upset, if I were you I'd be upset too. Unfortunately, I have no power to change this policy. This is what I CAN do for you...." (Notice I didn't use the word "but"--that word always puts people on the defensive. Instead, I use "unfortunately" or "however.")

Another thing I'm always conscious of is putting things in the positive.

• Instead of, "I can't do that," I'll say what I CAN do.
• Instead of, "We don't have that item right now," I'll tell them when we WILL have the item again.
• When an employee asks if he can take a break, instead of saying "No" or "Not right now," I'll tell him what time he CAN take his break or "When that huge group of customers leave, then you can take a break."
• When a vendor calls to schedule a seminar to educate the employees on a new item, I don't say that the date they prefer is impossible for us, but I suggest another date as "working out better."

Not that I'm afraid of controversy, it's just that life is so much better when people are getting along. When need be, I fire people or am tough with a customer or report a vendor's poor performance to his supervisor. But I prefer to go other routes first.

I'll always remember the time back when I was a cashier and my manager (who spoke rather bluntly) got in an argument with a lady and the lady threw a heavy item right at the manager's face. Luckily the manager had good reflexes and ducked in time. The lady said some choice words and walked out the door, never to return. We don't want violent people like her around, anyway! Not knowing the entire situation, I can't say for sure, but I think that if things had been handled more delicately then it wouldn't have gotten to the point of physical danger.

Words are powerful. I try to make them work for me and not against me.